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Redefining What Being In Service To You Looks Like

A litte love in your cup…

Go Ask Ella had a little time out to collect itself and with this first week of coming back it became clear to me that a certain question needed to be answered: why/where did Go Ask Ella go?

The truth is I felt that this space, this website, the whole inspiration to create Go Ask Ella was about empowering YOU to know yourself better and have a sanctuary free of judgment to do that in.  Lots of questions about penis size, cheating problems and normalcy seemed to be flooding my inbox and I wasn’t sure how to keep answering the same questions.  So I  started asking what needed to change?  What was lying under these questions was insecurity and not having a safe little sweet spot within ourselves to ask questions and examine our beliefs and know who we truly are.

Giving advice is fun and all but what I’m really about is offering questions, redefining stories, considering different perspectives.  No one knows you more than you but sometimes we’re so up in our stuff that we can’t see clearly, like having our nose to the mirror you can’t see your face.

I wanted to figure out how I could bring back the focus to you and away from me because this isn’t about me, it’s about us figuring things out together and in truth, I’m always just a reflection.

So… drum roll please…

Go Ask Ella questions of the week are now going to be posed to YOU!

I want to hear what you think/feel/perceive and start a dialogue about the things we are going through so we start telling a new story and create solutions to feel more empowered.  If you’re feeling like you’re able to be more real by being anonymous, respond here on the site as opposed to on facebook (I get it, you may not want Aunt Lucy to read about your recent pregnancy test results).  Plus, you can be anonymous in your posts (just write a pen name so we can keep the conversation going and we know the different voices out there).

I also will be posting articles on topics you send in on love, relationships, health, sex, birth, life, re-birth, whatever inspires us…  yay co-creative magic, let’s brew it!

And of course, if you’re preferring a more in-depth interaction with me and well, you, let me know.  I’m available to connect so you can be fully supported by one-on-one coaching sessions.

As a gift to you all, a welcome back hug if you will- sessions will only be $59 for the month of July.

And from here on out, I’ll offer one free scholarship coaching session a month, just write me a little about you and why you want the opportunity of a scholarship session.

Now, without further ado, in honor of the summer solstice bird songs outside my window here’s YOUR Question of the Week

You’re a different person than you were when you were seven years old, you’re a different person moment to moment cellularly so how is it serving you to judge by your past?  Imagine you could re-create the story of your life by reframing it in the present.  What’s one thing you could change that would feel super good?

Here’s an example of something I’ve recently been shifting… I’ve got a dear friend in my life that isn’t good about calendars and returning phone calls.  I used to complain all the time to this person, all my friends and family and tell a story about how their behavior showed that they didn’t care.  So recently, I asked myself- is that really true?  If I want to create a more enjoyable experience, how can I change my perspective on this situation?  I realize that I love spending time with this person, we have a blast when we’re together and that’s really what matters.  Do I need them to fulfill my expectations of what a friend should be?  No, I’m just going to accept them and appreciate what we do enjoy together and you know what- now instead of dreading our time together, we’re just in the flow like two little kids splashing around looking for an adventure.  It feels far better then proving myself right that they don’t care or that they don’t love me.  I just don’t call on them for certain things/needs- that’s not our relationship because I CHOOSE and continue to CHOOSE to see it differently.

What’s something that’s been getting to you that you could redefine?

In service to your big ol’ awesome heart and connecting to it,


P.S. Feel free to write me with questions of the week to post or topics you’d really like to open up via email at goaskella@gmail.com.  How about the topic of busting old hand-me-down sayings or concepts that need not apply… sayings like “I can only judge by my past” ick!  Or why are women still threatened by other women?  Cast your vote


About ella


  1. i hqve been talkng about moving off of maui for a few years now. every time i go to california, i tell everyone there that im moving there. i come back to maui and get comfortable in my life again and at this point i feel like the boy who cried wolf. part of me wants to move and part of me feels daunted by starting a new life over. i notice i feel hard on myself for not following through and have thoughts like, ‘i must not have it in me to move’, ‘ i cant make it over there after living the simple island life this long’. id really like to let go of this story and yet im not quite sure how id like to re-frame it… maybe, ‘i will seek out support to assist in this move’ or ‘i am perfect where i am’? im not quite clear about this but would love some assistance. i know you just moved back to cali. and would love to hear of your process around this type of life change and what it took for you… thank you soooo much***

    • Dear L,

      I hear you lady, seriously… I did this dance with San Francisco for about six years! Ha!
      Moving from any type of environment (climate, house, relationship, job) to another does take some gumption, it takes you KNOWing and being unstoppable in that motivation. What excites you most? You see, there will always be a litany of whack-a-mole reasons to do or not do something. To be or not to be, that really is the question. Which “be” do you want to be?

      Making a choice and sticking to it feels good as does reframing and reframing from where you stand in the present moment to make your story even more shiny and fabulous.

      Have you ever sat down at a restaurant feeling very clear about what you wanted to eat and then began to second guess yourself? A flood of options and all of them potentially being the right one and now you’re just unhappy with any choice you make (I should’ve just ordered looping in your brain with each bite). Now using the same scenario… what if the thing you want to order isn’t available- they sold the last one to the guy behind you? Can you let go of your expectation and just hop on to the next knowing? I think that this is how to approach decisions… move towards what you most desire and respond to what happens with an “oh okey dokey”, next!

      We have the ability as human beings to synthesize (create) happiness through sensing, imagining and therefore creating our experience to be in alignment with what we choose. Dan Gilbert calls it a “psychological immune system” in a way- the reality is there is no meaning behind the choices you make besides what you attach to them. You know you, deep down, pluck the fear out of the belly and listen to the softer, resilient voice of your heart.
      And KNOW that happiness isn’t found, it’s created and made true by you- now you just gotta make it believable and inspiring.
      If you have 20 minutes today, watch his TED Talk on Happiness, it’ll really give you perspective:

      So you move off the island and you create the story… what excites us is often confused for fear but it’s really the fear of our belief. Play the worse case scenario game once each way (stay or go) and see the silliness. When I moved to Sedona, I just knew I had to be there. I let go of for “how long” when I bought my cutlery and dishes. I didn’t need to know if it was forever, I just listened and I knew when it was time to go (and yes, there was a few months of knowing before there was acting and so what?). Making mistakes aren’t mistakes, they’re just experiences that show us our preference. Cool!

      I hope this helps ;-)
      This is a good chunk to nibble on for now and if you want to have a session to really congeal it all- just give me a shout.
      xoxo Ella

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