web analytics

Beauty of Witnessing

So I’ve come clean and have often prided myself upon being comfortable within the uncomfortable but lately I’ve been seeing that I’m not so patient just sitting with it for myself by myself about my self.

Pain, agitation, discomfort can be like a hot cinder on your lap that you immediately go to pat out and extinguish, perhaps its even a hot poker right on your arse.  I’d venture to say most people jump when they get burned or feel like something is on fire, right?
Well, what about your emotional self or more correctly, the egoic self?

fire-w-magnifying-glass-spacepleb1

When we bring our attention and witness the ego, the emotions, the tendency to react/fix/attack/not react we become the magnifying glass and the sun on an ant instead of the ant.  By witnessing, a little bit longer than we are used to, we move beyond the itch and scratch to something new.  When we magnify the watching instead of the acting (even if its well intended non-reacting) and we go beyond our pattern, that’s when we get the bigger picture perspective and take things less personally which allows grace, presence and peace to take hold.

I had a profound conversation with a friend this evening where they reflected how thick and dense my stories are, like most of us. Who doesn’t love a colorful background, character development and detailed setting when it comes to telling a good story, especially our own?  However if you come at life with a book full to the brim with no room to write or color in, there isn’t much room for creation, let alone participation.  And so my friend shared that their first reaction to my story back in the day was to relate, pity or take action to help.  Then it came to just listening and finally after setting that standard, we both felt ready to listen and I was able to hear that by being so in my story at times, so in the me of it, taking shit so personally and feeling everything I would dance between the all and nothing but never sitting long enough to see past that tango.

I didn’t stand still long enough to see the dance floor, I often only saw two steps forward and one step back.

two steps
And the thing about stopping to look at our feet while dancing is we often fall out of rhythm, it ain’t pretty and it’s more often than not, a smidge embarrassing.
Reality check- we’re in a human experience to learn and feel freer to be our true selves and that comes easier by witnessing that which isn’t.  Witnessing others, othering and then ultimately realizing that there is no other, is quite a trip to the moon and back.  We learn more by stopping instead of mindlessly to and fro-ing no?

To take my point here a little further- a star doesn’t know it is beauty or beautiful, it is the witness of that star that deems it so and therefore perspective gives us the freedom to define and expand our understanding of pretty much, well, everything.

 

0190138789850699076abe0f428e2daa

“A human being is part of a whole, called by us the ‘Universe,’ a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest–a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.” – Albert Einstein

By experiencing our Self separately we free ourselves and remember peace by being in that greater awareness.  The drug of humanity is connection and being “understood” so if we give it to ourselves, pulling our nose out long enough from our own autobiography we may just have enough to remember we can rewrite just about any trauma, woe or suffering.  Thank you K.S. for the listening.

In awe of beauty and feeling like listening to this song again (thank you time and space of 1997)…

Starlight, star bright,

Ella

Ready To Wear Sociology

I was thinking today about how many faces we wear in our day to day…

 

You know we all put up a front for occasions sometimes unknowingly and sometimes VERY knowingly.

 

“And to the degree that the individual maintains a show before others that he himself does not believe, he can come to experience a special kind of alienation from self and a special kind of wariness of others.”

Erving Goffman, The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life

 

As a sociologist second and a human first, I enjoy owning how I’ve shown up over the years.

Recognize or relate to any of these?

The I'm Fine, No Really

The “I’m Fine, No Really”

 

 

 

The Innocent

The Innocent, I swear

 

 

 

The Deny

The Deny

 

 

 

The Too Busy

The Too Busy

 

 

 

The Seduction/Narcissist

The “I Love Me Especially In Hats”     (AKA The Unbearable Lightness of Being)

 

 

 

 

 

The “Less Talk, More Wrestle”

 

The Hunky Dory (AKA Stuff Face with Ice Cream)

The Hunky Dory (AKA Stuff Face with Ice Cream)

 

 

 

 

 

The Beg

The Beg

 

 

 

shut the fuck up

The Know It All

 

 

The "I Roll With Bad Ass Bitches"

The “I Roll With Bad Ass Bitches”

 

The Turn Your Back

The Turn Your Back

 

 

 

The Heart Chakra Approach

The Heart Chakra Approach

 

 

 

snufflin

The “Putting On The Ritz”

 

 

 

The Awesome/Righteous

The Excellent

 

 

 

 

The Uh Oh

The Hide

 

 

 

 

The Sociologist

The Sociologist


And finally, The "Don't Fuck With Me I'm Living My Life Like It's Golden"

And finally, The “Don’t Fuck With Me, I’m Living My Life Like It’s Golden”

Happy Friday to all your beautiful faces…

xoxo

Ella

The Price of Invulnerability

 

Brené Brown  talks about how the new help group ala AA should be for “busy-ness” and I thinks she’s right.

 

We stay busy and keep our plates full so we don’t have time to stop, swallow and digest the little and big things.

 

Super Hero?  Bang, zoom, to the moon!

Super Hero? Bang, zoom, to the moon!

If we’re not living on purpose we fill ourselves with tons of chaos and fixings to stay busy.  What is there to fix?

If staying busy is what means your life is worthwhile, you’ve got another thing coming.

Here’s the catch, if you’re not taking care of yourself and honoring what your heart enjoys about life, then you’re not living.

Instead of pretending I’m invincible and “I’m fine”, I’ve given up telling people the full spectrum of what’s going in my life because it’s a lot right now and I believe it’s A LOT for A LOT of people. Lots of transitions in all kinds of relationships- work, love, family, trust.  Death has been smiling at me and it’s been daunting and simultaneously shaking me in my sleep that I don’t get enough of.

 

 

What am I learning?

  • It’s important to be discerning on who you share with, how you share and when especially when it’s big shit. Sometimes it’s just not appropriate to tell the cashier at Whole Foods who is asking how you are as a social nicety that your cat’s dying or you’re on your way to a funeral, again.   I’ve learned that it’s probably not best to allow your ex to treat you to a night cap and also best to not text your ex, anything, unless you don’t want him to remain your ex. Don’t mistake full disclosure with vulnerability and pick and choose wisely.  I don’t think I really understood the word appropriate until this year.
  • Certain stories are meant for your journal and no one else.
  • Being honest and upset is sometimes really inconvenient, especially when you’ve had too much to drink and you can’t get out of your dress by yourself.  I’ve learned that eating well, sleeping well, keeping good company and doing nice things for yourself makes pretty much any bad day a bajillion times better.
  • It’s a good day when you can actually get to do something that makes you feel good -dance, do yoga, listen to a wise soul, take the time to read and let someone make you laugh.  Being in connection with what gives you joy will soothe your soul and show you where you’re out of alignment with it.
  • Being present is the greatest gift you can offer even if it means 22 extra hours of driving that week or only getting 3 hours of sleep. I’ve learned that you learn who your real friends are over and over again and ultimately, how much of a friend you are to yourself in listening to your gut instincts.  You break old habits by being aware of them, making different choices and practice being who you want to be and you can be really fucking proud of that.
  • To not mistake my friends for therapists and that the best medicine can often be you listening to someone else’s crazy.
  • By rescuing everyone else, it can be really hard to ask for help.
  • It’s easy to become addicted to being busy, being tired, being in complaint, seeking and processing.
  • Fighting anything, be it cancer, the end of a relationship, your boss, your weight, your past, your skin, your desire, your addictions, isn’t going to help you win.

Creating a battle or a fight keeps you busy playing with fire instead of understanding the depths of your emotions and ultimately, experiencing life.  It’s happening right now, RIGHT NOW, where are you and why are you wasting your time trying to beat it?

The only thing that is unforgiving is time and yet it’s our greatest gift.

I was asked today to start living my life just for me and when I really asked myself, “am I?” I got queasy.

If I wasn’t running around busying myself, unconsciously and unsuccessfully proving I’m enough to Tom, Dick, Harry and Peggy Sue, what would I be doing?
If I wasn’t spending the past ten years, if not all of them, trying to make everyone else happy and be the girlfriend, daughter, friend that I thought they wanted- who would I be?  Who is that person?

In the chaos, find the beauty.  The ebb and flow of loss and birth doesn’t clock out and have a day off or a paid vacation.  Ride the wave with more grace by trusting the water and yourself.  Be humble, know you’re on borrowed time that you signed up for and how you feel, what you choose (thoughts, actions, etc) are opportunities to make this world better when you leave it.

You are the artist of your life, paint it black, red, pink, sparkly, blue, green- whatever, just paint, make a mess and give yourself a gold star for it.

 

 

 

 

 

The Voice

the voice

God, to me…

is Beauty.
Simply the moments where you are so struck by the awe of what you witness, feel, know that you are silenced into nothingness and everything joins you in that reverence. That is consciousness, that is God, Goddess, Divine.

As a child, I knew not what religion was.

My grandmother’s crucifix, that was my size, made me incredibly sad and my earliest memories were of wanting that bleeding man to not be so alone.
My solution? Undress all my Barbies, wrap them in toilet paper loin cloths to be fashionably on par and hang them up all over the wooden cross so this guy wouldn’t feel so lonely or awkward. I seriously wish I had a photo of that and my family’s face when they found my Buddy up Jesus project. Priceless!

Buddy Christ Motivator_by_Saint Jimmy (deviantart)

Buddy Christ Motivator_by_Saint Jimmy (deviantart)

As a pre-teen, I wanted so badly to be confirmed, for a ritual to take place that marked me as a valid something. I dreamed of having a bat mitzvah or quinceañera, a rain dance rite of passage and to get to wear a hooded cape in the mists of Avalon. I just had a Thanksgiving plate of mythology and tradition that I wanted to eat up and digest.

religion
I didn’t understand the practices but I loved the community of my friends’ religions except the whole sin bit and certain rules that seemed to exclude people- that didn’t make much sense to me.

I was taught to find my own way by my parents and when I started asking tougher questions beyond my Barbie years… my father gave me Siddhartha and my English teacher recommended the The Way of The Tao to read.

The places in life that caused me to pause were little and easy. I don’t know if I really saw religion as anything else but good story telling and at that point I wouldn’t have been able to have a conversation about spirituality.

I did know , however, what caused me to feel like I had insight, the keys of the universe- they were the little moments I felt sublime. Perhaps what some would call grace.

Falcor?  Ewok?

Falcor? Ewok?

The right song on the radio that “randomly” sang exactly what I needed to hear, dogs sticking their heads out of car windows, sunrises that found the details out of the darkness.

It took me 20 years but I no longer shudder at the words God, Lord, Holy, Spirit like I once did. I resisted these words as I didn’t understand them and saw they often made people shift their weight or stand weirdly erect. What helped was no longer having God be synonymous with religion, dogma and righteous separation.

I had the opportunity a few years ago when I lived in Sedona to reexamine what I experienced as sacred, spiritual, or God-ish. People who were visiting often asked me what the deal was with a vortex. Stay with me here…
These places all over town that were supposed to provide spiritual insight and be psychedelic in some fashion, vortexes or correctly, vortices (but no one ever called them that, it wasn’t Southwesty enough I suppose). It was in trying to explain it to someone who had no vocabulary regarding consciousness, yoga, metaphysics, etc. that I, too, was able to understand my own definition of the nameless.

sedona beauty

Sitting atop Cathedral Rock at sunset

“When you stand in witness of a view so potent with beauty, you can’t help but shut the hell up. There lies peace and in the face of it, you know what some call divinity.”

That’s how I saw it, spelled it out and it still holds water with me today.

Unity with beauty- be it with a conversation that blows your mind with possibility, a spring flower on it’s first opening, the vulnerability of a hand on the small of your back that makes your heart flutter, the breath the Earth horizon seems to breathe as the burst of red sunsets cast their warmth at sunset, tears on a kind face, the depth in a newborn’s eyes, a sky so clear that it kisses you and grants you wishes.

This is what I call God.

Being human allows you to forget how perfectly round this experience is and it’s the momentary returning to something greater and all together simpler that requires nothing, just to behold and be held. Behold, be held in, of and by beauty or just give a dog a belly rub. Dog/God. Meh, same thing, just spelled backwards. Coincidence, methinks not.

Quote of the Month


Yesterday, my Bhakti Yoga teacher shared this quote from His Holiness as we left our Sunday practice.

Instead of beginning the week with lists of how much you can accomplish and looking at your bank account balance, I say read this quote first.  We need lovers, peacemakers, storytellers  right now BIG TIME.

We especially need hearts that aren’t afraid to look at what they fear or where they’ve been out of integrity.  Tell your story to someone today, one you’re continuing to learn from and when in doubt, seek truth and be free to love yourself (and the world around you that so desperately needs it).


Feel GREAT


I invite you along with me to give yourself this permission slip today.


Don’t forget to look in the mirror and choose to be on your side, be on your team, approve of yourself (cuz that’s what will allow everyone and everything else to back you).

nuff said :-)


P.S. Thank you Yogi Tea for always adding poetry and a smile to my morning tea cup.

Giving Thanks for New Moon Reflections

Magic is afoot in the cool air and dark nights.  Kisses are more haunting and spellbinding, music seems to bathe you and seep into your skin, food just tastes better and eyes get a bit more misty with nostalgia.  New moons are time for reflection, ultimately within and finding the groundedness in the midst of what may feel like an ocean of emotion.

As I sat last night in a much awaited child’s pose on my yoga mat, I decided to keep my eyes closed during the majority of my practice.  It was the first class I could go to in weeks as I’ve been too weak from a persistent cold to do much of anything, let alone vinyasa flow.  I felt such gratitude.  Thanksgiving isn’t just about giving thanks to the external but also to ourselves and knowing when to be still, sweet and surrender.  When we focus too much on the outside/the external we literally go without (without, with out ) and we won’t have much left to give.

New moons are the perfect time to get real and deep or simple and sweet.  Appreciate everything on the menu, focus on what’s most nourishing for you right now (and don’t judge yourself for it).

Big shifts in the stars are making lots of folks wobbly and humbled by emotions, setbacks and whopping big changes.

Sometimes when I hear a lot of the same thing from friends and even people around me in stores, lines, gas stations I’ll peep what’s happening in the world of astrology to see what’s up. Emotions and uncertainty seem to be on the menu especially this week.  Cafe Astrology is one of my favorite astrological info hubs and I love the name (let’s be honest, I’m a foodie in all that I do).  There are a number of resources on the site relating to planetary alignment so totally check it out, it’s Ella approved. ;-)

Being that today is quite auspicious, I’m reposting the word on the street about our new moon in Scorpio (yes the Sun and Saturn are too)…

New Moon Solar Eclipse on Tuesday, November 13th, 2012, at 5:09 PM EST.

Tuesday afternoon, a New Moon in Scorpio occurs. This lunation is a more potent New Moon, as it is a Total Solar Eclipse, and represents a new beginning in the fixed water sign of Scorpio. It’s a time when we can focus on some of the constructive traits of the sign of the Scorpion–passionate, resourceful, focused, probing, deep, and perceptive–and consider how to positively incorporate these qualities into our lives. Scorpio New Moons are generally good for working on our self-mastery skills. We may want to pinpoint the things in our lives that make us feel out of control, such as addictions and debts, and work on freeing ourselves of these emotional burdens. This New Moon cycle is also an opportune one in which to explore what is missing in our lives that leads us to engage in these self-destructive behaviors. This cycle represents an opportunity to rid ourselves of the “junk” in our lives–material and spiritual. With this potent Scorpio energy, we have the chance to make important changes in our lives.

This Total Solar Eclipse occurs on November 13th at 5:09 PM EST at 21 degrees and 57 minutes of Scorpio. Its effects can be felt up to six months after the actual date of the eclipse. In the sign of Scorpio, matters related to intimacy, control, power, money, and sharing will be a strong focus on a personal level. This eclipse is about new beginnings regarding all of these matters.

One of Scorpio’s “lessons” involve learning to dig deeper into the mysteries around us instead of always being content with status quo. Taking the time to understand others’ motives can enrich our feelings of intimacy, forgiveness, and sense of meaning. Scorpio also teaches us that dedication to one meaningful relationship or undertaking can be significantly more satisfying than spreading ourselves around. Here, “quality over quantity” applies. We might want to use this cycle to work on focusing on and developing one special project or relationship in order to help add purposefulness and depth to our lives.

With retrograde Mercury square Neptune at the time of the eclipse, we should watch for fuzzy or wishful thinking. Intuition is heightened, but the details of our plans now may be hidden, overlooked, or unclear.

My magic 8 ball says “outlook unclear AND good”, what about you?

Shakin’ it under the moon,

Ella

How to Surrender?

Trying to get out beyond the breakers today, past the white water and fast coming waves was “gnarly”.  I was spun and brought to my knees, my mop of hair slathering my face and doing somersaults at least 30 times just trying to get onto my surf board and paddling out beyond the initial surf.  Learning how to surrender and keep going was indeed, a humbling experience.  At times I had to just hang back and wait to catch my breath.  What surprised me most is how much I laughed and kind of enjoyed how hard the process was and credit this for being the reason I didn’t get hurt.  This got me thinking- How often do we seek challenge?  How do we approach it?  What does surrender look like?


Here’s my initial brainstorm of images and thoughts:

Releasing tension.

Corpse pose.

Breathing into pain and challenge.

Trusting something greater than yourself, a divine intelligence.

Offering your neck.

Waving the white flag.

Opening your heart.

Prayer.

Being submissive.

Letting go.

Becoming a slave to a master.

Diving into the unknown.

Letting the waves take you and not fighting.

Dropping your battle axe.


What comes up for you?  Where do you resist the invitation to surrender?  Do you hate pooping next to other people in public bathrooms?  Do you have a hard time letting someone else drive or lead?  Do you enjoy letting go?  When?


Why all this talk about surrender?  I think it’s interesting to consider how we define and relate to something, surrender being a complex topic. Let’s dust off this understanding and dive in, shall we?

Here is a really amazing read my gal pal sent me this week by OSHO on surrender and love.  It helped me have a deeper, more clear experience with loving surrender, especially after getting my ass handed to me today surfing in biting waves. Read it when you feel like, just seeing this in my inbox, made me cringe.  I waited a week to read this piece, I won’t judge ya for doing the same but I do invite to think about and feel into what surrender means to you…


Osho – There are a few things, you have to do them if you want to know them. There is no way to tell anything about them. And surrender is one of those things. It is a dimension of love, let-go. If you ask me what is surrender and what is the meaning of surrender, yes, something can be told to you, but that won’t carry any meaning. You have to taste it. It is a taste. If you taste it you know it. If you don’t taste it, I can talk about it, but you will not know it. Without your own experience, whatsoever I say will be a tautology.

You ask what is surrender. I say surrender is a let-go. But what am I saying? You will ask what is a let-go. It is a tautology; I have not answered you. I say a let-go is falling in love. It is a tautology again; I am not saying anything. You will say,’What is falling in love
then?” The question remains the same, and all answers will go round and round and round.

I have heard about a prudish, tight-lipped old maid who would not even allow her pet cat out of the house after dark. Headed for New York on one of her infrequent outings, she paused to remind the maid about locking up that cat each evening. This time in New York, however, the old maid encountered a handsome old rogue who swept her off
her feet. After four nights of blissful romancing she wired her maid, ”Having the time of my life. Let the cat out too!”

Let the cat out. When you know what love is, only then you know. There is no other way to know it. I am here creating a situation for you to surrender. Don’t ask for the meaning. Do it. Be courageous. Let it be an experience. Accept my invitation. My doors are open; enter and be my guest. Surrender.

By ”surrender,” in the West, a very wrong idea arises – as if you will be dominated by somebody – because surrender has a very wrong association. It has become almost a political word in the West. The Nazis surrendered; that’s how it has become associated with politics. A surrendered one is the one who is defeated. In the East we have a totally different meaning for the term. It has nothing to do with war and nothing to do with defeat. Have you not heard the proverb that in love defeat is the only victory? If you are defeated in love you have become victorious. Yes, that’s how it is in surrender.

It has nothing to do with defeat. It is not that you are being dominated by somebody. It is not that now somebody else is going to oppress you, exploit you, that you are becoming a slave. No, it is nothing of the sort. The surrender in the East is used as a technique. And the surrender has to be made only to a person who is no more, so he cannot dominate you. So this has to be remembered: don’t surrender to a person who is still there; otherwise he will dominate you and he will give you a discipline and he will start forcing you to do this and not to do that and he will create a prison around you.

That’s why I don’t give you any discipline. Even if you ask, I don’t give. You ask continuously because you want to depend, because you want to be a slave, because you don’t want to take your own responsibility. You want to throw the responsibility on somebody else. You are in search of a father figure; you want somebody to lead you. But I am not going to give you any discipline and I am not going to give you any clear-cut direction to do this and don’t do that. All that I am going to do is to share my awareness with you so you can become a little more aware, to share my love with you so you can become a little more loving. It has nothing to do with any discipline.

Coming closer to me, you will be able to imbibe my spirit. That is the meaning of surrender: that you are ready to come close to me, that you are not afraid, that you will not protect yourself against me, that you will not be defensive, that simply you are ready to come closer to me, that you are attracted, that you have heard my call, that something has clicked in your heart and you will try to know who this man really is, what manner of man. You would like to enter into my emptiness and be surrounded by my emptiness.

Sannyas is the visible effort of surrender. Many people come to me and they say, ”We don’t take sannyas. Can’t you help us?” I say, ”I will try my best, but it won’t be of much help because you will continuously protect yourself. You will be defensive.” Sannyas is just a gesture that ”Now drop my defenses and I am ready to go with you.”

Of course, it is risky. You don’t know me yet. How can you know? If you surrender you will know; you cannot know beforehand. So it is only for very courageous people. The daredevils – it is only for them. And I exist for daredevils, those who are ready to risk their life and to go into the unknown and to see if something happens. If you are ready to go, it is going to happen; and then you will know the meaning. Then too you will not be able to tell somebody else what the meaning is! The meaning is in the taste, in the experience.

And you ask, ”How is surrender?” Apparently, sannyas is the ”how,” obviously. The deeper ”how” will open its doors when you have entered the porch. Sannyas is the porch; once you enter the porch – you have accepted me and I have accepted you – then there is a deep agreement, that you trust me. Now I can invite you to deeper realms of my being. You become an initiate. The second thing happens someday. Sometimes it happens with the sannyas itself. If you are totally surrendered, then in the first moment of contact with me it happens – you become an initiate.

Sometimes it takes time. The outward sannyas happens first; then you wait, then you watch, then you see things, then slowly, slowly you relax, inch by inch you drop your ego, and more and more I penetrate in you. Then one day, without any warning, suddenly it has happened – you suddenly become aware it has happened: now my light exists in you and my heart beats in you. Sometimes it takes years, sometimes days, sometimes minutes, sometimes not a single minute. It depends on you, how much courage you have.

And of course, Westerners are gaining much more from me than the Easterners, because the East has become very cowardly. So by and by you will see more and more Western people around here. The East is very cowardly. They have become almost corpses. They don’t have the spirit – the spirit that Kabir calls the spirit for the quest of truth – they don’t have it. Either they believe they already know what truth is or they think there is enough time and there is no hurry – if not in this life, then in the next life.

And for them, to be religious has become more a way of being respectable, and of course my sannyas will not appeal to them because if they are respectable, by becoming my sannyasin they will lose all respect. They will not become respectable through my sannyas. Through my sannyas they will become rebellious; they will start falling out of the society. People will start avoiding them. People will start feeling they are dangerous and infectious, and people will think that they have gone mad or something.

But in the West something new is happening – a new courage, a new spirit of inquiry. It always comes whenever a country becomes materially rich. It always happens. When a country becomes materially poor, it loses spirit. Not only outwardly poor, it becomes inwardly poor. It loses confidence, it loses courage, it loses potentiality. It starts dragging. In the West people have become materially rich; they are well-fed, science has come to a certain point from where religion can be contacted, and people have seen material affluence. Now they would like to see something beyond it. It is not enough. So if you are ready, don’t ask ”how is surrender?” Surrender.

Once it happened, Jesus was staying with his friends in a house, and the friends said, ”Tell us how to pray.”

Jesus said, ”But how to say how to pray? I will pray, and if you are ready you can participate.” And Jesus started praying. Now the others were standing there and they couldn’t see what to do. He started moving into some unknown realm. They watched and he prayed; and when he came back from the world of his prayer, they said again, ”But tell us how to pray.” He said, ”I SHOWED you how to pray, and you ask how to pray.”

Remember, maybe the question arises out of your cowardliness. Maybe you want to be certain about everything, what it is, whether it is worth it or not. I am here surrendered. I am here in prayer. I am here in God. Come closer to me. And I have made it easier than it has ever been, because I am not putting any conditions on you. I accept you as you are. It has never been done before. I accept you as you are. I have no condemnation, no evaluation, no judgment. If you are a drunkard, good. If you are a gambler, good, exactly right. Because this is a sort of gamble and this is a way of becoming drunk. Whatsoever you are, you are accepted. Come closer.

Sannyas will be a visible thing for you to do, and the next thing, leave it to me. I will do it. You do one thing; I will do the other. There is a saying in Arabian countries, ”If you walk one foot towards God, he walks one thousand one feet towards you.” You walk towards me one foot; I will walk one thousand and one feet towards you. You do the first; the second I will do.

But you come and ask, ”But sannyas… just by changing the clothes…. It is too outward. Tell us something inward.”You are not even ready to do the outward and you ask for the inward. And you are an outwardly-oriented man. That’s why I am talking about the outward sannyas – that’s where you are. That’s from where the journey has to start. You arc yet outside yourself; from there the journey has to start. The inward can happen only later on, not right now.

-Source – Osho Book “Ecstasy – The Forgotten Language”


Taking in these words, imagining them being expressed my your deepest, most loving heart – your true self, is an exquisite experience.  Create your highest self  as your guardian angel.

My heart is my guru.  The heart invites us to be initiated into loving every day.  Surrender doesn’t mean that you give up or drop all tools and ways of being to survive but perhaps in your quiet moments, you become the servant to that inner wisdom that’s there silently, waiting for you, always and you return to it as much as you can especially when the waves are steep.


Rolling in it,


Ella

Your New Laundry List Item

Here’s the mission, should you choose to accept it:
Make an agreement today and see if you can keep it.

I have a laundry list of affirmations, things I need to do, flaws I want to work on, thank you cards I need to write and my Mother Hubbard kitchen is begging me to buy groceries.

There are a number of things we need to do in a day but the first one, most especially if you want to enjoy it? Thank it (I kissed my breakfast plate and tea cup this morning because they were pretty, really I did) and THEN, pick one bigger picture thing that you’re going to work on . JUST ONE! Weave this into your whole day in all that you do, it’s the most accessible walking, talking mantra.

Not sure what kool-aid you want to drink?
Watch what your body most resists, say a couple of these statements “I am responsible for my life” , “I have compassion for myself and others” , “I comfortably and easily release the old and welcome the new”, “I am patient and equally excited by the unknown”, “I love and accept myself and my life.”

Make it Physical
Still not sure. Where do you have agitation or discomfort in your body? Scan with awareness, breathe and your body will absolutely give you a shout out as to what’s going on. Listen for the ding ding ding, sign points to lack of peace here ouch or tightness. The body talks, are you listening? Think about what that body part represents and you’ll find the key to your emotional connection.

Let’s say your knees aren’t happy, they’re outright pissed off.

Hello, knees! You’re awesome and I’m so grateful that you work so I can walk. My agreement today is embodying “I am flexible and going with the flow.”

Every time you experience rigidity, stubbornness, pride, the desire to control and MAKE things happen- remember your agreement and say it out loud until it actually resonates as truth. Sometimes it takes singing it, humming it, shouting it out of the car window or writing it 108 times with your fingers on your japa or in your notebook. You know what will make the greatest impression.

Take it easy, try on your agreement like a shirt and wear it just for today. You’ll forget from time to time but just look down and remember your agreement, breathe it in and act accordingly. If you want to wear this agreement today or for the week, your call. What would my most awesome self do? Good question to ask.

Don’t just do it, own it and jump in!

Loving you and your adventure,

Ella

P.S. I’d love to know what you choose today. Share your experience and the love in a comment below (you can be anonymous, I’m cool with that). xoxo

P.P.S. Thank you Amber for inspiring this post. Love you much!