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Help, I’m Pregnant

Hi Ella,

You’re the first person I thought to ask… I just found out I’m pregnant and I don’t know how to tell my boyfriend. Help!!!!

~Alice

Dear Alice,

Thank you so much for coming to me and trusting me with such big news.

Before talking to your man, I would highly suggest taking a minute to breathe and get centered. Most of the women I’ve connected with over the years have been so caught up in the news of being pregnant that they didn’t stop to feel into it. How do you feel? Know, that there is no right or wrong emotion, ever. I don’t know how old you are nor the details of your relationship to your boyfriend but first things first, listen to your wisdom in your body and heart.

Take care of you for a moment here. Whether it’s the eighth pregnancy or the first, it can come as quite a shock. I gather that this is unplanned and unintended so after you catch your breath, grab a journal or a piece of paper and ask yourself a few questions or just ask your body, focusing on your heart’s response. In my opinion, 99% of people never feel ready to be a parent even if they thought they were and we never know what will unfold. However, we do get to choose what steps we take.

As I used to teach in my teen pregnancy talk, there are only three options: becoming a mother, adoption and abortionYou are the only one who knows what’s true for you in this moment in your life. And, yes it is your body so ultimately it’s your decision. Most importantly, ask to be heard. And then offer him the same opportunity.

Sharing the information with your partner will be a more gentle and empowering experience if you have a bit of clarity as to what you plan to do. Planned Parenthood (although they get a bad rap for being in your face pro-choice) has great resources for any/all of the choices I mentioned. They can put you in touch with adoption agencies and other centers of support. Check and see where the nearest clinic is to you and make an appointment.

I totally respect your choice, whatever you decide in the end. Give yourself a little time depending on how far long you are and get as informed as possible. Choosing to go the adoption route may prove hard if it’s your first pregnancy; emotions are bound to make a few appearances. I took a surrogacy course during my studies at UCLA and a lot of “firsties” shared that it was really challenging to release their child to the adopted parents after a nine month wait/bonding.

Consider your health, your health care/insurance, your current work (physical requirements)- consider your life as you know it. Terminating the pregnancy could prove to be a less challenging and time-consuming option. Please hear that I’m not saying to go one way or the other but based on my teaching experience I like to represent as much of the big picture as possible.

Thank you for your courage and for your vulnerability with yourself, your man and with me. I’m truly honored. I hope this helps. You’re gonna be just fine. You are so loved and you’ll know what’s the best decision, choose what will serve your highest good (and everyone else involved).

Love,

Ella

P.S. You can’t control how everyone else is going to react/respond to you, so just get clear about what you want to create and come from that place. Honest, compassion, love and trust begins with your relationship to you- start there and then come to your boyfriend with that vibration.

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  1. Anonymous says:

    A friend of mine decided to get an abortion. It was a really hard decision for her because she’s always wanted to be a mother, but because of school loan debt and unreliable income and not to mention not being married, it was financially impossible for her to support a child. Pro-life people can say what they want, but I think she made the right decision, even if it’s a terrible one to make.

    • Having an unplanned/unwanted pregnancy is an opportunity to get really clear about what you REALLY want your life to look like and if right now is the best time to bring another person to your party. Little ones take far more effort than we can hope to understand and if we’re able to take care of ourselves first (bills, roof over our head, have a healthy body/mind/heart), it makes the world of a difference. I have friends who had babies in high school and I have friends who had abortions in college, each situation brought its own challenges and it really is entirely up to the individual to feel what’s right for them, their family, their partner and their possible child. I’ve known a few hopeful mothers-to-be who were pro-lifers but in the end deciding it wasn’t right to bring a child up. I’m not one to debate right or wrong here especially in the pro-life/pro-choice war but I’m certainly a supporter of making informed decisions and having freedom of choice.
      On a lighter note, hello condoms and thank you!

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