In college, I remember holding one of my besties while she sobbed that her boyfriend called her “replaceable” and asked me to pour her another cup of wine.
At the time, I thought it was an incredibly cruel thing to say and this phrase stitched itself into a lot of heartbreak hotel sleepovers.
Now, thanks to copious cups of pinot noir, filled journals, tear-filled pillows, crazy expensive international phone calls pre-skype and hours of meditation, I understand that we receive what we believe and things only stick if they go uninvestigated one and two, ultimately nothing is permanent and nothing is “replaceable”.
You can never control someone’s roaming eye, our fate, another person’s definition and relationship to integrity, others’ actions and you can’t safeguard yourself against a breakup. If it’s not meant to be, it’s not and better for it to our free will to take action (not reaction).
The whole people are in a life for a season, reason or lifetime bit is helpful to keep in mind.
“If a train doesn’t stop at your station, then it’s not your train.”
- Marianne Williamson
Enter Ralph Valentine giving…
Tis the season eh? No, but seriously, being chosen or not, at the end of the day shouldn’t be your narrative evaluation report card people. Boo on that, choose yourself always and if someone gets you or not, winning!
Someone choosing something other than you, in hindsight is always a gift (even if you can’t see it initially).
Which brings me to something I NEVER thought I would EVER say about all this: THANK YOU.
Thank you to every woman or man who came in towards the end of a relationship that originally threatened me and freaked me out. You helped me understand my partner’s character better and ultimately, opened the door for me to leave a situation that was no longer working and have a harder time returning to a broken record that didn’t need to be on repeat.
New lovers don’t replace us, they just keep our past beds warm and therefore keep us out. At first glance, we may feel out in the cold but really, we’re out in the world and we’re free.
The bookmark pillow talk “replacement” person hopefully will stay long enough for you to break the habit of looking back and wondering what if. Thank you to every person in my life who started something and became my launchpad and litmus test beaker despite my protests.
Truly, thank you.
Neat-o factoid: This doesn’t just apply to a break up with a lover either, this is life – life IS your relationships (work, academic programs, friendships, apartments, your work-out, yoga, meditation, your budget, everything). Re-re-re-re-petition will continue to occur until we learn from our past and make better choices. It’s all good, you’ve got plenty more opportunities to do better and accept yourself more for the next round. As my dear and oh-so wise little French neighbor says in broken English over black coffee, “Sweetie, the only competition that’s worth having is with yourself, just do better next time.”
Don’t fear “the competition” because YOU ARE IRREPLACEABLE, period.
To the left, to the left,