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Lucky #7 gets to 67,000 views

The seventh post on Go Ask Ella has turned out to be quite lucky after all… 

happy condom

When I began Go Ask Ella, my whole purpose was to address “things we don’t talk about but should” with a really warm, factual and honest approach.

My first attempt at a video way back in April 2010 now has over 67,000 views on youtube. Yowzah, I had no idea until today.

So glad I got over myself and went with my instinct to make my old sex ed talk have a close up. We all need to.

We will always have a thousand reasons to not act on an idea but perhaps today there are 67,000 reasons why you should.

Your unique genius, what you say yes to and do in the world may just be an idea written on your journal page today but what could you do to make it come to life?

Sometimes we think something as common as a “how to put on a condom” video isn’t worth our time because it’s obvious information.

Well if it helps one person know something or be less afraid, why not share it? Just do it!

Here’s to being awkward for the greater good,

Ella

 

Feel GREAT


I invite you along with me to give yourself this permission slip today.


Don’t forget to look in the mirror and choose to be on your side, be on your team, approve of yourself (cuz that’s what will allow everyone and everything else to back you).

nuff said :-)


P.S. Thank you Yogi Tea for always adding poetry and a smile to my morning tea cup.

Ambition: What Wiggles Your Soul?

Couching it up with two dear hearts of mine yesterday, the conversation got sparkly once my smart ass little mind stopped turning its wheels about “the purpose” of my life.

I was reminded that one of our greatest gifts is our heart and that its voice doesn’t bother trying to talk over the chitter chattery mind.

Think. Think. Think. It gets loud, doesn’t it?

But the heart is powerful, humble and you can hear it if you get quiet.


What to do?


I heard a surround sound response of “don’t think,  meditate.” Thanks guys.  Case in point, we all need a friendly reminder of what we know but often resist.

So with gratitude to my dear friends last night, I’ve come to realize something: what actually gets a lot of us down in the dumps isn’t that “we don’t feel incapable and that we suck” but that we have a ridiculous amount of ambition and ability and we don’t know where to start.


Start with this:

Do you remember when you were little and people asked you what you wanted to do when you grew up?  I feel like I was rarely exacted asked “what I wanted to be”and I was never asked, what gifts do I most love to share or what made me happy.

I was happiest singing songs at elderly care facilities, reading books to toddlers in funny voices, reenacting Madonna & Janet Jackson videos and playing teacher, nurse or princess. I meditated when I was seven years old but didn’t know it was called meditation.  I loved dancing, stretching and acting out stories to find a sense of wholeness and happiness (yoga).  Okay and I’ll confess I liked playing kissy face at my first pre-school which of course was called “Happy Hearts”.  Seriously.

Who we were pre-income and pre-school (ha) often sheds a little light on the essence of what we love in our hearts and what rocks our world.

What did you love to do as a wee one?  What gets you excited now?

Are you doing what you love a little bit each day or at least each week?

Write down five things that you LOVED when you were little and five things that make you happy today.  Is there a correlation? Commit to finding a way to create some of these experiences in your daily.  Love animals?  Get one or volunteer at a shelter.  Love music?  Write some, play some or see some!

And don’t forget to meditate.

Love,

Ella

Remedy for PMS? SEX!

Do you ever have that not so fresh feeling or as I like to call it:  irrational-bitch-ugly-I-hate-everybody feeling?

PMS will do that.  Start marking your calendars to remind yourself that it’s often not you, it’s them and by them I mean hormones.

No matter how many outfits you try on nothing looks and you just want to stay home? Well, maybe that’s a good thing.  I personally think that if you don’t feel like you’ve got anything to wear than the answer is wear nothing, yup, naked time gone SEX.  ;-)

Breasts tender?  Massage dem boobies or have someone else do it.

Feeling anything but sexy? Watch or read something that revs your hot pants engine; get sexy with yourself or a partner in passion crime.

Maybe sex is the last thing on your mind when you’re crampy, cranky and squishy but it is an awesome remedy.

Bitch tested, goddess approved.

On qualityhealth.com, Andrea Neblett shares insights in her article, Sex and PMS: A Good Match and thoroughly backs up my opinion here:

Premenstrual syndrome isn’t an aphrodisiac, to say the least. Symptoms like bloating, cramps, fatigue and depression hardly arouse sexual desire. So it seems like a cruel joke that when you’re in a sexiness slump, sex is one of the PMS remedies you need.

What is PMS?

About 85 percent of women experience at least one premenstrual symptom every month, according to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. For most women PMS symptoms are mild, however about 20 to 30 percent of them suffer from moderate to severe symptoms.

PMS symptoms can be emotional, physical or psychological. Emotional symptoms include anxiety, depressed mood, irritability, and restlessness. Common physical symptoms include abdominal pain, bloating, cramps, fatigue and joint pains. Some women may also experience psychological signs of PMS such as forgetfulness, lack of concentration and food cravings.

Women most likely to suffer from PMS symptoms are between ages 20 and 40, have one child or more, a history of mood disorder or a family member with depression.

Health professionals aren’t sure what causes premenstrual syndrome, but the likely cause is the fluctuation of two hormones, estrogen and progesterone. Estrogen may affect feel-good hormones endorphins and serotonin, contributing to depression, irritability and anger.

Ironically, while sex may be the last thing on your mind, it may help relieve PMS symptoms. Sexual activity stimulates the production of oxytocin and loads of feel-good endorphins that lower sensations to pain caused by premenstrual syndrome. Also, orgasms release the hormone dehydroepiandrosterone, or DHEA, which improves cognition and acts as an antidepressant.

Click here to read the whole article.

Hello happiness, thank you sexual healing.

In addition to le sex, there are also plenty of additional remedies like yoga, herbs, teas and what not. Check out my previous post ‘Dark Side of the Moon (And How It Wreaks Havoc on Our Hormones)‘ by clicking here.

Spread the love and let the ladies in your life know that there is a whole lotta love out there waiting for them when PMS strikes.

Do you have any personal tips or tricks?

Comments and thoughts welcome. Also, feel free to re-post or tweet if you enjoyed this article.  :-)

Girl Time- Not Just For Rolling In the Deep


I was pleasantly reminded this weekend that we don’t just need to gather with our gal pals when we’re rolling in the deep.  The red tent is needed as is what I liked to call the pink sparkly tent.

At Lightning In  A Bottle 2010 two brilliant (and gorgeous) doctor lady friends of mine busted out a full on pink explosion of a set up (hot pink fabric all over our tent along with feathers and a glittery buddha to boot).



Girlz Tent LIB 2010





Last night, I put on high heels, curled my hair and went out to Hollywood singing in the car with my pal Cheryl to Katy Perry.  To say I felt girly would be an understatement AND IT WAS SOOOOO MUCH FUN!




All Done Up & Giggles A-plenty ;-)





Not only did we enjoy being out, feeling good and looking good but you know what put the icing on the cake for me?  Getting ready together, sharing make-up tricks and being each other’s mirrors.

When I was a pre-teen I would crimp my hair at sleepovers and choreograph dance routines to the latest Janet Jackson or Paula Abdul single.  As I grew into a teen, it became about boys, make-up as well as styles of music, fashion and more.

What hot tips do you remember getting from your gal pals?  Do you still use them today?

Angie Ferretti taught me how to shave my legs, Rachelle McGraw taught me how to kiss a boy, Kirsten Mannweiller taught me how to put on eyeliner and Hannah Jern-Miller gave me my first tampon… I rarely think about what an impression these moments made but they soooo did.

In line with talking about relationships, great sex, Lady Gaga, kittens, good yoga teachers and what to wear, last night Cheryl and I were swapping stories on what deodorant to use…

I get this question a lot actually because I’ve been trying non-aluminum (non-anti-perspirant) stuff on the market for the past four years.  I told her I’d share my favorite go-to products for pits here today.

So here’s my hot underarm tip:

Go get you some Weleda Deodorant Spray (they have a couple scent choices, I love the Rose) mixed with a salt crystal stick.  You can find these at most natural grocery stores, Whole Foods market and online too.

I wet my skin down with Weleda and rollover it with the stick which prevents bacteria from gettin’ crazy (that’s what makes body odor, did you know that?).  Also, I’ve noticed that if I’m exercising and sweating my balls off regularly- I have less toxins in my system and therefore, voila! minimal underarm smell.  It also helps that I’m vegetarian, I’ve noticed a difference there too. It takes a month for your body to get used to using the spray and the crystal so don’t freak out, give it some time.

Why do I use these products? I’m a fan of putting things on and in my body that are natural.  Our skin absorbs what we put on it so I try to keep it simple.  Plus, perspiring is the body’s natural way of releasing and I prefer to roll with that instead of blocking it. I also like smelling like me and not like baby fresh evergreen oceanic mist.

Switching up your products is a good idea too, it keeps things fresh.  So I’ve also got some Tom’s of Maine tucked away in my toiletry case plus tea tree oil which is always a handy dandy product to have around (it kills bacteria and has a minty fresh tingling feeling that’s fun).

We learn so much from experience and sharing those experiences with our people.

I love getting insight into my ladies’ worlds because we become better women for it (and certainly a lot healthier, happier and damn sexier).

The gabbing and glamming is something that doesn’t EVER need to go away regardless of age.

It’s official, I’m a born-again girlz pink sparkly tent time instigator.  Viva las chicas!


Big ups for bosoms and  bosom buddies.  :-)



Love Dem Boobies, They Are Good




Makeover For Your Body, Mind & Spirit

Warning: Practicing Yoga Regularly May Leave You Feeling Damn Good Inside and Out!

Something strange has happened… I’ve noticed a glow (no I’m not radioactive and I’m certainly not pregnant) but since I’ve been practicing yoga regularly again my skin has become so happy (go-lucky me!).

Skin is the third kidney, it’s the organ we see and interact with on a surface level and when our system is overloaded with no place to release it shows in our complexion, the areas under our eyes and with not-so-fun break outs. Heating our system with exercise moves excess toxins and blocks. I’ve been dripping in class onto my mat lately and I’ll tell ya, when I’m first starting I’m not wanting to be there but by the end of the hour I’m smiling ear to ear (and so is my skin). Asanas (yoga postures) are also prescriptions for particular emotional, mental, physical ick that are proven to help (especially over time and when done consistently).

Check out this quick and to-the-point article Yoga for Good Glowing Skin originally posted on The Times of India:

It costs but a fraction of what your imported cosmetic cream might does but requires double the hard work.

The secret behind glowing, healthy skin, it seems was written hundreds of years ago in Yogic literature. Yoga is usually associated with fitness and flexibility but it also adds that glint to your face that many cosmetic procedures can’t. Inverted postures, pranayama and sun salutations can give you the much-needed makeover, provided you practice them regularly.

According to the head of artistic yoga, Bharat Thakur’s Yoga, Uma Gautam, all inverted postures like the halasana or the plough posture, the sarvangasana, the head stand or sirshasana, the paschimottamasana help the blood to flow to the brain, and there is good blood circulation around the eyes and cheeks. “These asanas clear the skin and makes it look healthy. Between seven to 10 days of practicing these asanas you can see the difference clearly.

Pranayama (read: breathing) is also great for good skin. You can do anywhere between 20 to 100 Kapalbhatis and Bhastrikas and see the change yourself. In the yogic scriptures, there is a mention of these yogic postures to not just develop a healthy lifestyle but also see the change in your skin.” Click here to go to original post.

Pretty good stuff huh?

I’ll tell you one more hot tip, listen up LADIES…

Yoga helps immensely in the red tent arena.  I for one I’m very pleasantly surprised by the reduction of swelling, water retention, PMS, cramps and the overall flow is shorter.  If you practice the week or two before your period, your body will thank you (and so will everyone else around you).


Warrior II



Here are some of my favorite ways to yoga it up:

  • Warrior Series Sequence with vinyasas (sun salutations) in between
  • Downward dog with alternating leg kicks and curls
  • Dolphin Plank series (activates your core big time)


A simple guide brought to you by our friends at Yoga Journal

Get step-by-step instructions (with pictures) for poses that fit YOUR needs by going to  http://www.yogajournal.com/poses/sequence_builder


At the new studio I’m practicing at, our teacher incorporates dancing too!  If you live in LA definitely check out Bhakti Yoga Shahla (big ups for Govindas’ all levels class), Power Yoga in Santa Monica with Vytas and Your Neighborhood Studio which has oodles of dance and other fun movement options (they’re motto is When You Don’t Know What Do- Dance!).


P.S. I know lots of teachers and great studios all over the world, so if you don’t know where to go let me know or if you have suggestions, post below!  Sharing is caring (and mad sexy).




Filled to the brim with Joy & Gratitude!

Happy Holidays Askers…

I hope that this little love note finds you and your holiday season beyond merry.  I just wanted to take a moment pre-cooking fest and post last minute shopping to say how grateful I am for you and your journey.  This time of year always reminds me of the magic I believed in as a little girl and I use it to fill my heart and spread my wings to those I bump into in the aisles at Whole Foods.  Tis the season to be jolly and also a little misty eyed- we can’t help but reflect on where we’ve been before and who we are today.  I believe that where you stand in this moment, you’ve never been more beautiful and more capable of being loved (by you and by those around you).

You ARE the GIFT!

Be the cheer, be the sweetness, be.  Take a little time to yourself to remember all that you are (even if it’s for a few minutes). In fact, I’m going to listen to my own advice and take a little time too!  I’ll see you soon with the 69th Go Ask Ella question of the week, send your suggestions and questions in! Let’s make it a toast worthy one.

Love you dearly,

Ella


P.S. Have a bangin’ New Years, let that itty bitty you play and be heard!  My advice for the week is to join me in taking cues from Ella at age two, see below…

When Your Box Is Waving The White Flag

Question of the Week…

Dear Ella,

 

 

I’m so sick of having problems down “there.” I just had a lot of sex with my new guy (we’ve both been tested and are clean) and I had to pee all the time, it was the worst. I took your advice on Help Too Much Sex! And I Don’t Wanna Get Antibiotics! but now I’m experiencing itchiness inside and I soooo don’t feel like having sex which my partner ain’t too happy about.

Help my vagina, please!

Thanks,

 

 

S (you can call me “Sally”)

Hi Sally,

Oh woe is your vagina. I feel your pain, as does a good majority of us lady folk out there.

Two things I’m picking up that I want to see before I give you a step by step fix it remedy…

  • First and foremost, I know what a pain in the arse it is to feel like you don’t have control over your body and how unsexy it feels to not be able to do what you want to do with your body. You and your guy are both frustrated, understandably but your body is waving a white flag so honor that.

Sometimes when we respond to our impulses (rabbit humptastic sexathons) we aren’t allowing intimacy to build in other ways and your body is telling you LOUDLY that it needs the gentle hands of time and less boinking. Our culture supports a healthy sexual appetite but it borders on addiction to get a fix, feel connected and get off (instead of in). Try asking your body what it needs since it seems to be so talkative lately (like literally, say “body what do you need?”)- maybe it’ll say blueberries and a trip to a park, I don’t know but ask. Make an agreement to honor it and not just your immediate and often unconscious impulses. Come from a place of love and nurture as opposed to seize and conquer.

 

  • Secondly, when you have a bit less sex with your partner (especially a new one) you get to see and be seen in ways that are often skipped over when you’re in the sheets. I’m not saying go back to the Victorian era here and get a chaperone, sip on tea in parlors and carry a parasol but take it easy and go a tad slower.

So you’ve got chemistry, what else? Invite your guy to read my post and feel free to have him respond.

 

All right, now let’s get down “there” for business to the scratch n’ miff muff vagina of yours.
One word: yeast.

Yeast infections are not sexually transmitted diseases although they can go back and forth between partners because it’s fungus (read: let yourself heal before you get back in action). In a healthy woman’s body, there are certain types of organisms that are found naturally.  A yeast infection is when there is an over-production of these organisms.  When we have new partners, our body is exposed to new bacteria or organisms (not bad or good, just straight up non-recognized you-ness is present and rubbing on your bits).

What causes a yeast infection?
Friction, heat, skin cells, fluids, non-friendly lubricants, latex, non-cotton panties, too much sugar in our diet (hello alcohol and bread), sitting in a bathing suit too long, lazy hygiene, douching with chemicals- all these things can cause a yeast infection. Oh and you know what the # 1 contributing factor is?

STRESS.

Stress often gets a bad wrap and we associate it with “bad things” but good stress is also in existence. Good stress? Yes, what I mean is anything that causes your body to get a little excited (i.e. a new boy who you stay up with all night talking and what-not) gets your balance all out of whack. Nervous energy and change causes stress, for better or worse.

 

The Go Ask Ella Solution for Yeastie Beasties:
(please note, this is a remedy that has worked for me, my clients and a good majority of ladies and is just a suggestion not a fail-safe):

Probiotics
In order to stabilize our natural balance in our stomach and the vagina, in fact the body as a whole, having probiotic supplements or yogurts daily is a ridiculously helpful preventative. For now, pop a few capsules to get the party started (eat with food) and then continue for a few days. The symptoms should dissipate within a few hours of taking probiotics. I recommend Dr. Udo’s Probiotics since I’m vegetarian and also, his stuff is just tip-top. If you want to bust out the big guns on this situation, I’d also suggest buying plain yogurt or original, unflavored, dairy culture Bio-K available at Whole Foods and soaking it up with a tampon and then… yup you guessed, insert! Wear a panty liner and don’t go out dancing, lay down and remain horizontal (best to do before you go to bed).

Conscious Eating
Okay let’s be real, we ARE what we EAT. I think most illnesses are directly related to what we’ve exposed ourselves to (toxic food, water, air, environment and yes, relationships). The best medicine is good nutrition- it directly effects our moody hormones, our overall health and happiness. The less sugar and processed food, the better. The more water, the better. Specifically the foods that your reproductive organs enjoy are: root vegetables (you know the stuff that grown in the dark, remind you of something hmmm like your womb?). Turnips, yams, beets and ohh throw in some fresh garlic (natural antibiotic). Now careful with the sugar starches there because potaters and beets are yummy and sugary but a little bit goes a long way. Also, food is intelligent and it looks like what it effects (thank you Don Tolman). The avocado looks like a womb, the grapefruit looks like mammary glands. Get down on those fruits, they’re the best items a lady can indulge in and they taste soooo good.

Mas Aqua, Hello H20!
Can’t stress this enough people. In fact, just a second I’m going to follow my own advice. Glug, glug, glug and ahhhhh. Just downed a whole glass, how ’bout you? Eight glasses of water a day, keeps the doctor away. Water- not a liquid with other stuff. Juice, coffee, soda- doesn’t count as water! Drink water by itself or steeped with herbal tea, and TONS of it! Our bodies are predominantly made up of water and it needs filtering, flushing and flooding to function properly. When we give our bodies lots of H2O then it get rid of the toxins by peeing it out, so get on it and make it a daily practice.

Movement
Heating up your body with a little shaka-laka booty shaking, a brisk walk, or a few yoga poses for just 30 minutes each day will really get your juices flowing and your body glowing. I know the last thing you want to do sometimes is move (and you’d rather plop on the couch or crawl into a cave) but moving the funk out of your body, mind and heart is a sure fire way to change the state you’re in. Doing something that isn’t mental is so healing. I feel like a different person after just a few minutes of sit ups, vinyasas or jumping jacks. If you’re tender in your lady parts, we’re less likely to go Flashdance or Footloose in our living rooms dancing by ourselves like maniacs on the floor but do a little something, maybe just a stretch and a stroll around the block. Then take a hot bath, sip some tea, read a good (non-drama inducing) book and get some much needed sleepy time.

Stillness and Solitude
You just need to get away sometimes right? From the office, your lover, the world and especially your chit chatter mind. Get a quiet spot, get away from everything (turn off your devices that connect you to the world) and close your eyes. I put my iPhone on airplane setting and set a timer, grab a pillow and sit against the wall with a cozy blanket. Start with ten minutes and work you way up to thirty, then an hour if you can. There are some awesome mediation apps out there for iPhones if you’ve never meditated. Meditation is the new black and you’ll never go back once you’ve gotten hooked on giving yourself you time or as my mom puts it “my time to love me just as I am.” Also, get a journal. I’ve learned all too well recently that we dump a lot on our body, mind, heart and our friends when we could’ve taken a minute to collect our thoughts on a page. You can do anything you want with your you time, just have some. Deal?

 

I feel pretty darn certain that you’ll be feeling better in days if not hours if you heed my advice. The itch and scratch is never fun but it can be a great opportunity to make amends with yourself and start getting your body’s needs met (not to mention the needs of your heart, mind, and soul).

Lots of love to you and your nether regions,

Ella

P.S. I also recommend giving your body a super break and dose of love by going on a cleanse. Juice cleanses are great but kind of hard core, the master cleanse really punches your liver and kidneys in the face so I say eat gentle and start simple. Try the candida cleanse, previously talked about in Help Too Much Sex! And I Don’t Wanna Get Antibiotics! or just eat more vegetables, cut down on the sugar.

P.P.S. I’m thinking of making a simple little meditation video for you all, let me know if you would be interested by commenting below and if I get more than 20 yes’s I’ll get on it this week.

Oh Orgasm, Where Are You?

Come out, come out wherever you are!!!

Question of the Week

Dear Ella,
 
I have been having (quite a lot of) sex for a few years now, and I love it! I really enjoy it, I crave it, I enjoy experimenting, I have fun from the intimate, slow, emotional sex to the wild animalistic sex… it’s all great if it wasn’t for one small problem. I have never had an orgasm. Yes you hear me, not even ‘I have never had an orgasm during sex’ but simply I have never had an orgasm. Or at least I don’t think I have. And if I don’t think I have, I guess that is a pretty good indicator that I haven’t. I’ve really enjoyed sex or all other kind of activity around it and I definitely have moments when it feels really REALLY good and I also reckon I might have come close a few times but this complete overwhelming WOW explosion just hasn’t happened.
When I first started having sex, I was 15, which to some people might be normal but I know that for me it was too early, not with the right guy and I wasn’t really emotionally ready for it. Not that it hurt or anything but I don’t think I was quite ready to enjoy sex the way it can be enjoyed. 6 years later that is definitely different by now and I want and love sex. I thought before I might not have been having orgasms because I wasn’t ready to let go, didn’t loosen up enough, wasn’t comfortable enough, etc.. but in the meantime I also had a nearly three year relationship, my first love, very intimate and beautiful, and yet I just didn’t reach that special point.
Then I thought for some time that if I explored myself on my own, managed to find out what it is I like for myself, how and where I like ‘my buttons to be pressed’, etc. I might be much more successful in bed with a partner. I always hear that it is often harder for girls to orgasm during sex so it makes perfect sense I would be more likely to achieve it on my own first. But here comes the thing – I just can’t properly masturbate. It has never gone further than the few moments of clitoral stimulation which is extremely exciting and pleasurable but can hardly be all there is to it. It’s just.. I can’t ‘get into it’, I’m too aware that I am lying in bed or whatever and going to touch myself now, as funny as that might sound. I just don’t know how to get in the mood, whether to picture someone or something, I just don’t understand how guys can get off just from pictures.. It’s hard for me to lose myself when I’m not actively involved in a sexual act. I just don’t know what to do. And I’ve spoken to a few girls that I know have the same problem.
 
Now I’ve read some of your posts from ‘Operation Happy Lady‘ to your 30-day-challenge. I am excited and looking forward to trying out your suggestions from OHL once I have a partner again but until then I thought I should do some ‘foundation work’ on my own :) Your blog is amazing and inspiring and it sounds funny to say this but I envy you for already being a sexual little kid and knowing where it’s at as I still don’t seem to know with 21.
 
Can’t wait to hear from you. Thank you for your blog, I have passed it on to many of my girls (and boys) and we all love it.

“Ella is a G” has become a standard phrase.
 
All the best to you and thank you for sharing,
 
Lily

Dear Lily,

Fantastic question, thanks for asking it.
The simplest solution is one word: vibrator.
It takes time to develop a relationship with your
orgasm be that solo or with a partner so don’t be
too hard on yourself. I promise you can let go and get lost in the moment,
it just takes patience, time, compassion and a little help from an inspiring erotica novel,
film, fantasy (and a little help from a buzzing friend). Cultivating your pleasure
is a journey and there are loads of twists and turns. Enjoy each one!

Here’s a video response regarding orgasm from yours truly:

Lovingly,

Your Resident “G” ;-)

P.S. Here are phenomenal resources for toys as well as inspiration, take a moment to window shop at these two online stores that are highly recommended: Babeland and Good Vibrations

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do…

So as weddings, babies and engagements bloom on the forefront of summer I’ve had some time in the city of Angels this past week. Been laying low and not so up in your face as usual, I know…
After leaving my Grandie with my toes glistening and my smile cheeky as ever I rolled into a space where I used to live and found myself around family, friends, familiarity. I witnessed my brothers very in love with their women, making them their number one and realized that it was time for me to own up to the truth of my desire to be number one in my life and to my partner. I ended (a first) a long time relationship with someone I loved and continue to love very much because I couldn’t hold my breath any more.

Breaking up is so bizarre, you wonder about the giving back of things, what everyone will think, when to change your status on facebook, and personally, I heard Fiona Apple’s lyrics “no not baby any more, if I need you I’ll just use your simple name. Only kisses on the cheek from now on and in a little while I’ll only have to wave.”

I’ve had a number of people reach out to me over the years when they’re questioning whether to stay the course in their relationship of choice and I remind them that it’s just that- a choice. Is it serving your highest good? Relationships are work and commitment to seeing it through to the best of your ability is all you can do. When it’s still not enough and you can realize that this isn’t indicative of your worth, that’s when the magic happens. I found myself alone on my mat with my yoga teacher who I trust implicitly and she stopped me mid vinyasa when she saw my form and my heart through all the layers and asked me if I was happy. I couldn’t lie. The truth was- I wasn’t and I hadn’t been in a long time. How much time are you willing to wait for someone to catch you? To meet you where you are at? To want just you? Women in their late twenties are in a different space then their male counterparts, we’ve got different biological clocks and if partnership and family are a priority, it’s hard to kick that nagging tick tick tock to the curb (try as we might). What makes everything that much more clear, like a lightning bolt striking the top of your head is when you see what you want in those around you. It’s not a game of comparison but a witnessing, a reflection. It’s not that you don’t have what you want, it’s that it’s time for you to open the door to it. You are always the one you’re waiting for and when you find this truth in your heart, you cannot deny that you seek that reflection. Honoring that and yourself is a great task and so I decided to take my own advice.
I fell in love with the world a bit after I made my decision, I feel as if I’m wooing it and myself and I’m surrounded by reflections of this. The details take care of themselves and with every notion of awkward, it’s a time for you step up and unabashedly be loving and fierce. The greatest power has the softest touch.

Breaking up in my past was often a complete breakdown but this time it was a break-through. And, I find myself a few days in being right where I need to be. Thank you to all of you for inspiring me to be honest, real and loving with my choices and to gamble everything for love.

Lovingly,

Ella