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The Price of Invulnerability

April 25, 2013 by Leave a Comment

 

Brené Brown  talks about how the new help group ala AA should be for “busy-ness” and I thinks she’s right.

 

We stay busy and keep our plates full so we don’t have time to stop, swallow and digest the little and big things.

 

Super Hero? Bang, zoom, to the moon!

Super Hero? Bang, zoom, to the moon!

If we’re not living on purpose we fill ourselves with tons of chaos and fixings to stay busy.  What is there to fix?

If staying busy is what means your life is worthwhile, you’ve got another thing coming.

Here’s the catch, if you’re not taking care of yourself and honoring what your heart enjoys about life, then you’re not living.

Instead of pretending I’m invincible and “I’m fine”, I’ve given up telling people the full spectrum of what’s going in my life because it’s a lot right now and I believe it’s A LOT for A LOT of people. Lots of transitions in all kinds of relationships- work, love, family, trust.  Death has been smiling at me and it’s been daunting and simultaneously shaking me in my sleep that I don’t get enough of.

 

 

What am I learning?

  • It’s important to be discerning on who you share with, how you share and when especially when it’s big shit. Sometimes it’s just not appropriate to tell the cashier at Whole Foods who is asking how you are as a social nicety that your cat’s dying or you’re on your way to a funeral, again.   I’ve learned that it’s probably not best to allow your ex to treat you to a night cap and also best to not text your ex, anything, unless you don’t want him to remain your ex. Don’t mistake full disclosure with vulnerability and pick and choose wisely.  I don’t think I really understood the word appropriate until this year.
  • Certain stories are meant for your journal and no one else.
  • Being honest and upset is sometimes really inconvenient, especially when you’ve had too much to drink and you can’t get out of your dress by yourself.  I’ve learned that eating well, sleeping well, keeping good company and doing nice things for yourself makes pretty much any bad day a bajillion times better.
  • It’s a good day when you can actually get to do something that makes you feel good -dance, do yoga, listen to a wise soul, take the time to read and let someone make you laugh.  Being in connection with what gives you joy will soothe your soul and show you where you’re out of alignment with it.
  • Being present is the greatest gift you can offer even if it means 22 extra hours of driving that week or only getting 3 hours of sleep. I’ve learned that you learn who your real friends are over and over again and ultimately, how much of a friend you are to yourself in listening to your gut instincts.  You break old habits by being aware of them, making different choices and practice being who you want to be and you can be really fucking proud of that.
  • To not mistake my friends for therapists and that the best medicine can often be you listening to someone else’s crazy.
  • By rescuing everyone else, it can be really hard to ask for help.
  • It’s easy to become addicted to being busy, being tired, being in complaint, seeking and processing.
  • Fighting anything, be it cancer, the end of a relationship, your boss, your weight, your past, your skin, your desire, your addictions, isn’t going to help you win.

Creating a battle or a fight keeps you busy playing with fire instead of understanding the depths of your emotions and ultimately, experiencing life.  It’s happening right now, RIGHT NOW, where are you and why are you wasting your time trying to beat it?

The only thing that is unforgiving is time and yet it’s our greatest gift.

I was asked today to start living my life just for me and when I really asked myself, “am I?” I got queasy.

If I wasn’t running around busying myself, unconsciously and unsuccessfully proving I’m enough to Tom, Dick, Harry and Peggy Sue, what would I be doing?
If I wasn’t spending the past ten years, if not all of them, trying to make everyone else happy and be the girlfriend, daughter, friend that I thought they wanted- who would I be?  Who is that person?

In the chaos, find the beauty.  The ebb and flow of loss and birth doesn’t clock out and have a day off or a paid vacation.  Ride the wave with more grace by trusting the water and yourself.  Be humble, know you’re on borrowed time that you signed up for and how you feel, what you choose (thoughts, actions, etc) are opportunities to make this world better when you leave it.

You are the artist of your life, paint it black, red, pink, sparkly, blue, green- whatever, just paint, make a mess and give yourself a gold star for it.

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Food for Thought

The Voice

February 28, 2013 by Leave a Comment

the voice

Filed Under: Food for Thought

God, to me…

February 26, 2013 by Leave a Comment

is Beauty.
Simply the moments where you are so struck by the awe of what you witness, feel, know that you are silenced into nothingness and everything joins you in that reverence. That is consciousness, that is God, Goddess, Divine.

As a child, I knew not what religion was.

My grandmother’s crucifix, that was my size, made me incredibly sad and my earliest memories were of wanting that bleeding man to not be so alone.
My solution? Undress all my Barbies, wrap them in toilet paper loin cloths to be fashionably on par and hang them up all over the wooden cross so this guy wouldn’t feel so lonely or awkward. I seriously wish I had a photo of that and my family’s face when they found my Buddy up Jesus project. Priceless!

Buddy Christ Motivator_by_Saint Jimmy (deviantart)

Buddy Christ Motivator_by_Saint Jimmy (deviantart)

As a pre-teen, I wanted so badly to be confirmed, for a ritual to take place that marked me as a valid something. I dreamed of having a bat mitzvah or quinceañera, a rain dance rite of passage and to get to wear a hooded cape in the mists of Avalon. I just had a Thanksgiving plate of mythology and tradition that I wanted to eat up and digest.

religion
I didn’t understand the practices but I loved the community of my friends’ religions except the whole sin bit and certain rules that seemed to exclude people- that didn’t make much sense to me.

I was taught to find my own way by my parents and when I started asking tougher questions beyond my Barbie years… my father gave me Siddhartha and my English teacher recommended the The Way of The Tao to read.

The places in life that caused me to pause were little and easy. I don’t know if I really saw religion as anything else but good story telling and at that point I wouldn’t have been able to have a conversation about spirituality.

I did know , however, what caused me to feel like I had insight, the keys of the universe- they were the little moments I felt sublime. Perhaps what some would call grace.

Falcor? Ewok?

Falcor? Ewok?

The right song on the radio that “randomly” sang exactly what I needed to hear, dogs sticking their heads out of car windows, sunrises that found the details out of the darkness.

It took me 20 years but I no longer shudder at the words God, Lord, Holy, Spirit like I once did. I resisted these words as I didn’t understand them and saw they often made people shift their weight or stand weirdly erect. What helped was no longer having God be synonymous with religion, dogma and righteous separation.

I had the opportunity a few years ago when I lived in Sedona to reexamine what I experienced as sacred, spiritual, or God-ish. People who were visiting often asked me what the deal was with a vortex. Stay with me here…
These places all over town that were supposed to provide spiritual insight and be psychedelic in some fashion, vortexes or correctly, vortices (but no one ever called them that, it wasn’t Southwesty enough I suppose). It was in trying to explain it to someone who had no vocabulary regarding consciousness, yoga, metaphysics, etc. that I, too, was able to understand my own definition of the nameless.

sedona beauty

Sitting atop Cathedral Rock at sunset

“When you stand in witness of a view so potent with beauty, you can’t help but shut the hell up. There lies peace and in the face of it, you know what some call divinity.”

That’s how I saw it, spelled it out and it still holds water with me today.

Unity with beauty- be it with a conversation that blows your mind with possibility, a spring flower on it’s first opening, the vulnerability of a hand on the small of your back that makes your heart flutter, the breath the Earth horizon seems to breathe as the burst of red sunsets cast their warmth at sunset, tears on a kind face, the depth in a newborn’s eyes, a sky so clear that it kisses you and grants you wishes.

This is what I call God.

Being human allows you to forget how perfectly round this experience is and it’s the momentary returning to something greater and all together simpler that requires nothing, just to behold and be held. Behold, be held in, of and by beauty or just give a dog a belly rub. Dog/God. Meh, same thing, just spelled backwards. Coincidence, methinks not.

Filed Under: Food for Thought Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,

Mythic and Downright REAL Fabulosity…

February 1, 2013 by 3 Comments

Welcome to February, the word of the month is Fabulous (because it is).


Just to brush up on the definition, this is WHAT FABULOUS LOOKS LIKE…


Fabulous |ˈfabyələs|

adjective

extraordinary, esp. extraordinarily large : fabulous riches.

• informal amazingly good; wonderful : a fabulous two-week vacation.

• having no basis in reality; mythical : fabulous creatures.

DERIVATIVES

fabulosity |ˌfabyəˈläsətē| noun

fabulously adverb

fabulousness noun

ORIGIN late Middle English (in the sense [known through fable, unhistorical] ): from French fabuleux or Latin fabulosus ‘celebrated in fable,’ from fabula (see fable ).

 

Fable |ˈfābəl|

noun

a short story, typically with animals as characters, conveying a moral.

• a story, typically a supernatural one incorporating elements of myth and legend.

See note at fiction .

• myth and legend : the unnatural monsters of fable.

• a false statement or belief.

verb [ intrans. ] archaic

tell fictitious tales : I do not dream nor fable.

• [ trans. ] fabricate or invent (an incident, person, or story).

DERIVATIVES

fabler |ˈfāb(ə)lər| noun

ORIGIN Middle English : from Old French fable (noun), from Latin fabula ‘story,’ from fari ‘speak.’

 

I love the story of beauty in the image of this soon-to-be-mama. She embodies fabulous, she is speaking and telling the world with her freedom to sparkle and have some serious sass!

The stories we tell of who we are, what pregnancy looks and can feel like ARE SO IMPORTANT, in fact they are of mythic proportion because they are how we shape our world.

Legends, let’s be them.


*Dearest Sienna, thank you for letting me show the world your beauty. I’ve never loved you more! Little guy is going to mega impressed with how pimpin’ you were at 34 weeks.  ;-)

Filed Under: beauty, Food for Thought, new definitions, new mom, pregnancy, sexy Tagged With: , , ,

When Life Hands You a “WTF?” Lesson

January 28, 2013 by Leave a Comment




Life is a Mystery by Lauren Gregg – “Harriet the Spy”



Sometimes, life will surprise you and when the surprise garners a reaction along the lines of “WTF!” this is the time to react and reflect privately. Particularly when dealing with people, publicly have grace, be polite and be brief.

Grace is thankfulness, a state of gratitude for objectively seeing what’s to be learned. What makes us uncomfortable, angry, fearful and agitated has much to teach us (as does how we react and manage our emotions).

Have you ever reflected upon what bothered you and written it down (and years later, read your journal only to see you knew something long before it revealed itself)?

 

It may be your body talking and telling you to not eat tomatoes.

It could be you have a funny feeling about taking a particular road home.

Perhaps when you’re just starting to date someone and they ask you to remove all your items from their house before their sisterly friend comes over, your eyebrows should raise.


Moral of the story?

If there are red flags and something tells you that something isn’t quite right, LISTEN.


Pay attention to yellow flags, white flags and especially RED flags.  See what’s being shown to you, not just what’s being said.


I think people often poo-poo the idea of intuition and the feminine side of everyone is suppressed by such poo-pooing.  A greater wisdom is accessible and very REAL so honor it.


If you have a hunch that someone isn’t quite what they say they are, give it time and eventually it will reveal itself.


What about forgiveness?

Begin with forgiving yourself in that you didn’t trust yourself and made being “in love” or “nice” or “loyal” or “practical” more important than your truth.


What about closure?

Ask yourself who is it for and what does it represent.  Sometimes the permission slip you’re wanting to give something or someone else is REALLY about you.  The degree to which you want to give someone the chance to make up for their mistakes is the degree to which you wished someone did the same for you.  So do that.  Closure can come in a different form than expected. It could come as a dream, a conversation with someone who went through something similar.  Making amends and talking it out isn’t always the answer, especially when there hasn’t been space, time and growth to really see things differently (or objectively).


What about being open-hearted?

Never give anyone the power to close your heart or revoke your innocence.  DO ask questions, seek truth, keep an open mind, honor your heart and cultivate an even wiser approach to observing people and situations.  You can love and have compassion for everyone, truly EVERYONE but that doesn’t mean you invite anyone to come into your life, your bed, your inner circle.

Would you invite some random person to your therapy session?  Nope.  Probably not.

Should you invite Jack to your birth?



Here's Johnny? DEFINITELY NOT.




Use discretion.

Your time, body, energy and heart are precious so be discerning with how, what, when and why your share.  Just use common sense combined with what you feel.


What you feel is unique to you and it’s your emotional guidance system that helps you know YOUR TRUTH for what’s right for you.



Here’s to the love and lessons,


Ella

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Quote of the Month

January 28, 2013 by Leave a Comment


Yesterday, my Bhakti Yoga teacher shared this quote from His Holiness as we left our Sunday practice.

Instead of beginning the week with lists of how much you can accomplish and looking at your bank account balance, I say read this quote first.  We need lovers, peacemakers, storytellers  right now BIG TIME.

We especially need hearts that aren’t afraid to look at what they fear or where they’ve been out of integrity.  Tell your story to someone today, one you’re continuing to learn from and when in doubt, seek truth and be free to love yourself (and the world around you that so desperately needs it).


Filed Under: Food for Thought Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Feel GREAT

January 4, 2013 by Leave a Comment


I invite you along with me to give yourself this permission slip today.


Don’t forget to look in the mirror and choose to be on your side, be on your team, approve of yourself (cuz that’s what will allow everyone and everything else to back you).

nuff said :-)


P.S. Thank you Yogi Tea for always adding poetry and a smile to my morning tea cup.

Filed Under: Food for Thought, Go Ask Ella, happiness, self care Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

Giving Thanks for New Moon Reflections

November 13, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Magic is afoot in the cool air and dark nights.  Kisses are more haunting and spellbinding, music seems to bathe you and seep into your skin, food just tastes better and eyes get a bit more misty with nostalgia.  New moons are time for reflection, ultimately within and finding the groundedness in the midst of what may feel like an ocean of emotion.

As I sat last night in a much awaited child’s pose on my yoga mat, I decided to keep my eyes closed during the majority of my practice.  It was the first class I could go to in weeks as I’ve been too weak from a persistent cold to do much of anything, let alone vinyasa flow.  I felt such gratitude.  Thanksgiving isn’t just about giving thanks to the external but also to ourselves and knowing when to be still, sweet and surrender.  When we focus too much on the outside/the external we literally go without (without, with out ) and we won’t have much left to give.

New moons are the perfect time to get real and deep or simple and sweet.  Appreciate everything on the menu, focus on what’s most nourishing for you right now (and don’t judge yourself for it).

Big shifts in the stars are making lots of folks wobbly and humbled by emotions, setbacks and whopping big changes.

Sometimes when I hear a lot of the same thing from friends and even people around me in stores, lines, gas stations I’ll peep what’s happening in the world of astrology to see what’s up. Emotions and uncertainty seem to be on the menu especially this week.  Cafe Astrology is one of my favorite astrological info hubs and I love the name (let’s be honest, I’m a foodie in all that I do).  There are a number of resources on the site relating to planetary alignment so totally check it out, it’s Ella approved. ;-)

Being that today is quite auspicious, I’m reposting the word on the street about our new moon in Scorpio (yes the Sun and Saturn are too)…

New Moon Solar Eclipse on Tuesday, November 13th, 2012, at 5:09 PM EST.

Tuesday afternoon, a New Moon in Scorpio occurs. This lunation is a more potent New Moon, as it is a Total Solar Eclipse, and represents a new beginning in the fixed water sign of Scorpio. It’s a time when we can focus on some of the constructive traits of the sign of the Scorpion–passionate, resourceful, focused, probing, deep, and perceptive–and consider how to positively incorporate these qualities into our lives. Scorpio New Moons are generally good for working on our self-mastery skills. We may want to pinpoint the things in our lives that make us feel out of control, such as addictions and debts, and work on freeing ourselves of these emotional burdens. This New Moon cycle is also an opportune one in which to explore what is missing in our lives that leads us to engage in these self-destructive behaviors. This cycle represents an opportunity to rid ourselves of the “junk” in our lives–material and spiritual. With this potent Scorpio energy, we have the chance to make important changes in our lives.

This Total Solar Eclipse occurs on November 13th at 5:09 PM EST at 21 degrees and 57 minutes of Scorpio. Its effects can be felt up to six months after the actual date of the eclipse. In the sign of Scorpio, matters related to intimacy, control, power, money, and sharing will be a strong focus on a personal level. This eclipse is about new beginnings regarding all of these matters.

One of Scorpio’s “lessons” involve learning to dig deeper into the mysteries around us instead of always being content with status quo. Taking the time to understand others’ motives can enrich our feelings of intimacy, forgiveness, and sense of meaning. Scorpio also teaches us that dedication to one meaningful relationship or undertaking can be significantly more satisfying than spreading ourselves around. Here, “quality over quantity” applies. We might want to use this cycle to work on focusing on and developing one special project or relationship in order to help add purposefulness and depth to our lives.

With retrograde Mercury square Neptune at the time of the eclipse, we should watch for fuzzy or wishful thinking. Intuition is heightened, but the details of our plans now may be hidden, overlooked, or unclear.

My magic 8 ball says “outlook unclear AND good”, what about you?

Shakin’ it under the moon,

Ella

Filed Under: astrology, Food for Thought Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Night Time is The Right Time

November 8, 2012 by 4 Comments

“Oh you know the night time, is the right time

to be with the one you love.” – Ray Charles

As I’m boiling lemons, recovering from a cold, my voice comes back all at once to sing the first few lines to Ray Charles’ Night Time Is. The sun just went down, it’s 5:56 but feels like midnight and I haven’t thought about writing (much less about love) in quite awhile.


When the sun sets, there’s this anticipation that is always awakened in me and even more so when I’m single.


How often I would get sad and reminisce, perhaps watch a romantic movie I knew the ending to (either in film or an old memory from my past). Well, what if the desire to snuggle with someone isn’t such a horrible thing?  Longing for what isn’t won’t do any good but being excited and feeling what you’re desiring is the ticket I want to buy and nibble on popcorn over.

My friend gave me the best idea I’ve heard in ages last night and I’ll share it with you now.  Love letters.  Love letters to your beloved, write them now even before you’ve met or they’re sharing your bed because if you’re in that state of mind and heart, it’s easier to magnetize that energy.  Loving yourself is the best thing you could possibly do, be with the one you love (you’re already there).


I’ll admit there are moments I get upset that I am not in love and all cuddled up at night but that’s no reason to invite an old story in to haunt me.

Wanting to be with someone, to share your day and night with is human.  Don’t go cray-cray on yourself for wanting social interaction and body heat.  It’s cold, it’s autumny winter – I get it.


Sharing your bed can be easier than your heart but you’re worth the whole pumpkin pie.  I’d guess that most of us have tried dabbling in the past with old flames, maybe having a few drinks at a bar with a stranger, going on a few harmless dates just to get back out there.  I’d rather hold court, honoring myself and let them come to me while I take excellent care of my own affairs.  Marinating in yourself is bound to make one helluva love potion (you’ll know who’s attractive and who’s not the more in yourself you are).



I’m giving myself permission to wait for something that feels right and good just as much as it’s perfectly fine to want it.


Your permission slip giving friend,


Ella


**What permission slip are you gonna give yourself?


For starters, listen to the song I can’t get out of my head:


http://youtu.be/PuNzqDUvods

Filed Under: Food for Thought, Go Ask Ella, love Tagged With: , , , , ,

Stir It Up, Clean It Up, Love it Up!

November 2, 2012 by Leave a Comment


When something is keeping you from being present in your life, it’s time to clean it up.


The belief locked inside you as truth may very well be what’s causing you pain and not the person, the experience nor anything else that’s happening “to you.”


There’s great pain in disappointment and yet I often see there’s a sense of satisfaction when we feel right in knowing “that they are just selfish” or “they can’t think of anyone but themselves.”


This week, I’ve listened to two very dear souls share where they harbor the most resentment or pain in their lives.  On first glance, they excuse and have a light hearted oh-well-ness about the person they have disharmony with.  “That’s just the way they are and they’ll never change.”


Beliefs become actions and actions create your reality. You treat someone as if they’re not trustworthy, so it is. Perhaps your friendship and THAT conversation is the very keystone to healing.


A girlfriend of mine came to me last month and told me I’d deeply upset her.  She’d waited two weeks to tell me.  She had judged in her own heart that it was silly how upset she was but the underlying truth was my actions had caused her to hold me at an arm’s length.  She was choosing whether or not she wanted to be real with me and “go there” or if it would be easier to just let our friendship gradually dissolve.


I on the other hand, had no idea that this was happening.  I felt her distance but didn’t make it about me when in truth it was.  When we finally had a heart to heart, I cried as I was so grateful that she trusted me enough to tell me what wasn’t easy.  True friendship means listening and showing up as the friend we want to be as much as it is giving your friend an opportunity to listen and grow.

She believed in me and she decided to not believe my behavior as me.  See the difference?

We became closer because we knew we were both investing in our friendship and that no one’s perfect, we’re often just doing our best and when we fall short it’s unconscious crap that’s running the show.  And I now know that if something is keeping me from being present with her, it’s my agreement with myself to speak up and I ask the same of her.


When I shared this with the two people this week, they found it challenging.  The stakes were so high for them to speak up as these were lifelong problems with key people in their lives and both individuals believed that they wouldn’t be heard.  “There was no point in trying.”


I don’t know what they’ll choose but I do believe that if given the chance, all people want true friendship, true acceptance, true unconditional love.


If the underlying message is I want to clean things up because I care then I feel it’s worth saying. Practice saying this and work out the kinks:

“I was really hurt by ____ and because I love you and want to continue to cultivate a true relationship with you, I’m letting you know.”

Find your own way of saying what feels true and come from a place of love. You’re not making someone wrong or right just giving them the chance to be aware.  It’s their choice what to do with the information and you can’t be attached to how they respond.


I believe that your gift to anyone, in fact everyone, is being who you really are.


If everyone and everything is an opportunity to love more than the fear or anger, say thank you to each challenge.


Begin by blessing your current position with love.  Realize that this is only a stepping stone your pathway.  You are where you are because of your own thinking patterns.  If “they” are not treating you the way you would like to be treated, then there is a pattern in your consciousness that is attracting such behavior.- Louise L. Hay


It’s selfish and painful for you not to be you isn’t it?


I always say that sometimes what you feel moved to express or share might not be for or about you, your words may very well be the medicine for who is listening (if they choose to).  Forgiveness, compassion and truth- bring to a boil, stir it up, steep and let stand  for best results.


Bless it up,


Ella

Filed Under: Food for Thought, friendship Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,
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