Brené Brown talks about how the new help group ala AA should be for “busy-ness” and I thinks she’s right.
We stay busy and keep our plates full so we don’t have time to stop, swallow and digest the little and big things.
If we’re not living on purpose we fill ourselves with tons of chaos and fixings to stay busy. What is there to fix?
If staying busy is what means your life is worthwhile, you’ve got another thing coming.
Here’s the catch, if you’re not taking care of yourself and honoring what your heart enjoys about life, then you’re not living.
Instead of pretending I’m invincible and “I’m fine”, I’ve given up telling people the full spectrum of what’s going in my life because it’s a lot right now and I believe it’s A LOT for A LOT of people. Lots of transitions in all kinds of relationships- work, love, family, trust. Death has been smiling at me and it’s been daunting and simultaneously shaking me in my sleep that I don’t get enough of.
What am I learning?
- It’s important to be discerning on who you share with, how you share and when especially when it’s big shit. Sometimes it’s just not appropriate to tell the cashier at Whole Foods who is asking how you are as a social nicety that your cat’s dying or you’re on your way to a funeral, again. I’ve learned that it’s probably not best to allow your ex to treat you to a night cap and also best to not text your ex, anything, unless you don’t want him to remain your ex. Don’t mistake full disclosure with vulnerability and pick and choose wisely. I don’t think I really understood the word appropriate until this year.
- Certain stories are meant for your journal and no one else.
- Being honest and upset is sometimes really inconvenient, especially when you’ve had too much to drink and you can’t get out of your dress by yourself. I’ve learned that eating well, sleeping well, keeping good company and doing nice things for yourself makes pretty much any bad day a bajillion times better.
- It’s a good day when you can actually get to do something that makes you feel good -dance, do yoga, listen to a wise soul, take the time to read and let someone make you laugh. Being in connection with what gives you joy will soothe your soul and show you where you’re out of alignment with it.
- Being present is the greatest gift you can offer even if it means 22 extra hours of driving that week or only getting 3 hours of sleep. I’ve learned that you learn who your real friends are over and over again and ultimately, how much of a friend you are to yourself in listening to your gut instincts. You break old habits by being aware of them, making different choices and practice being who you want to be and you can be really fucking proud of that.
- To not mistake my friends for therapists and that the best medicine can often be you listening to someone else’s crazy.
- By rescuing everyone else, it can be really hard to ask for help.
- It’s easy to become addicted to being busy, being tired, being in complaint, seeking and processing.
- Fighting anything, be it cancer, the end of a relationship, your boss, your weight, your past, your skin, your desire, your addictions, isn’t going to help you win.
Creating a battle or a fight keeps you busy playing with fire instead of understanding the depths of your emotions and ultimately, experiencing life. It’s happening right now, RIGHT NOW, where are you and why are you wasting your time trying to beat it?
The only thing that is unforgiving is time and yet it’s our greatest gift.
I was asked today to start living my life just for me and when I really asked myself, “am I?” I got queasy.
If I wasn’t running around busying myself, unconsciously and unsuccessfully proving I’m enough to Tom, Dick, Harry and Peggy Sue, what would I be doing?
If I wasn’t spending the past ten years, if not all of them, trying to make everyone else happy and be the girlfriend, daughter, friend that I thought they wanted- who would I be? Who is that person?
In the chaos, find the beauty. The ebb and flow of loss and birth doesn’t clock out and have a day off or a paid vacation. Ride the wave with more grace by trusting the water and yourself. Be humble, know you’re on borrowed time that you signed up for and how you feel, what you choose (thoughts, actions, etc) are opportunities to make this world better when you leave it.
You are the artist of your life, paint it black, red, pink, sparkly, blue, green- whatever, just paint, make a mess and give yourself a gold star for it.