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It’s Not You Having Sex With Your Boyfriend

Question of the Week

Dear Ella,

The other day I was having sex with my boyfriend. We’d just finished having a pretty intense conversation about our past lovers and I noticed I was jealous and feeling weird. When we had sex it was really fiery and I felt like I was almost someone else.
What do you think that means? Has that ever happened to you?

Feeling out of sorts,


Hi Emily,

I wanted to respond to you initially with my face, here it is (and a few thoughts to go along with it).

For some of you the concept of the pain body is old news and for others, you guys may be wondering what crack is Ella smoking. To get down to basics, I’d recommend that anyone and everyone read Eckhard Tolle’s A New Earth. It’s a remarkable book that succinctly and simply conveys truths about what’s really behind our disconnection to ourselves and ultimately our world.

In a nut shell, witchiness and woo woo words aside, I believe we have the ability to create a more enjoyable experience during our time in these bodies of ours and the more we can do to unveil truth, the more full of it we become (instead of full of B.S.). No one is to blame really, it’s often easier to believe lies about ourselves and use relationships, experiences, conversations to regurgitate back to us our very broken record of “I’m not enough,” “no one is ever going to love me,” “I’m not beautiful” and my personal favorite: “I’m all alone”.

As you may sense, this question you’ve asked elicits a different response than what say, Dr. Ruth would advise but that’s why you’re asking me and not her. A great question to ask yourself when you notice that some thing is off is “where do I feel this in my body?” and “what do I love about feeling this way?” If we keep feeling something or rather the lack of something, there’s a pay-off otherwise we wouldn’t be doing it. Some agreement has been made. I’ve said before in other posts that we often get addicted to jealousy and the drama of our relationship because it creates fire, ignites sparks and makes us feel something.

Bringing up the past can be a pandora’s box especially if you’re not taking into account the pain body. Watch the stories and thoughts that spin, be aware of why you feel the need to pounce your partner. Are you pouncing to release or further injure or to avoid feeling what’s under the anger/jealousy?

There’s so much more I can say here but I’ll leave it for now as this little appetizer and simple green salad.

Be well indeedy,



About ella


  1. nice:)

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